my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
