Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
