DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
