the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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