in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
