I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
