Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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