how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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