My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
