Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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