i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
