90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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