His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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