So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
