two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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