Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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