it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
