i permit you to call me
I just cut my nipple shaving
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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