I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
