I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
