the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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