Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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