i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I am midnight drunk by noon
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
