If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
