ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
