It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
