I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
