I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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