New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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