I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
