he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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