You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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