just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
