i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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