When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
FUCK WHALES
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
