wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
