I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have fence marks all over my body
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
