glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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