Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
