i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
