I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize