haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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