I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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