i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
