you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
my liver is dry heaving
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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