dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
