why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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