Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
