if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
