Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
