Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
