my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
did i just pee glitter
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
