she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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