They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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