Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
