Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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