Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
