I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You're like the curious george of whores
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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