You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
