My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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