Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
