Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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