Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
