apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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