He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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