i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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