I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
