hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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