Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
