The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
